What if you’re not late? 

EPISODE DESCRIPTION:

What if “I’m too old” isn’t a fact, but a story you’ve been telling yourself for so long it started to sound true?

In this Nudge episode, I explore the particular gremlin that insists we’ve missed our chance—and the possibility that maybe we’re not too late at all. Maybe we’re just standing at a threshold, looking at doors we haven’t tried yet.

TRANSCRIPT:

 Hey, welcome back. Today's nudge episode is a question I've been noodling on since a recent workshop I attended. Here it is: What if you're not too late? What if you're just at a threshold? The question came from previous Playdate guest, Minette Riordan, during her workshop called Down the Rabbit Hole.

She used the story of Alice in Wonderland as her guide, and she had us wrestle with questions like this one through collage and written reflection. I mean, a workshop that gave me an opportunity to pull out my scissors, glue, and twelve different colors of gel pens?

Sign me up. But back to the question. Those eleven words poked directly at one of my most persistent gremlins. And maybe you've met him too. He's the one who jumps up screaming things like, "You're too old!" or, "You missed your chance," or, "That's for people younger than you."

[00:01:00] Or when he's feeling especially theatrical, "That window closed, sweetheart." And here's the thing about this particular gremlin, at least in my experience. He's gotten some really good training somewhere. I mean, he is annoyingly good at his job. And I don't think he made up the material all by himself. Some of it's mine, sure, but some of it's also borrowed, whether it's from a thirty-under-thirty list or the way we talk about someone's big break like it comes with an expiration date.

He didn't write that script, but he did find a very willing audience in me. And I'd bet actual money you've got a version of him running a similar routine in your own mind too. For me, he's not a new visitor. He's been at my party for a long time. Too long, frankly. He's the guest who just won't leave. You know, the one who refills his own wine [00:02:00] glass and gets a little louder and a little bolder as the night goes on.

We are not friends, me and him, and if I ever find out who invited him, I will be having words. And I would very much like to walk him to the door. Except, and here's the humbling part, he doesn't visit just once and leave. He's a regular, and he shows up in any number of ways. Like for me, a few weeks ago, as I was turning over an idea for something new in my business, I had just felt that little flicker, that little spark of hope and possibility.

But within about four seconds, Mr. Gremlin pulled up his chair and said, " People start things like that in their twenties, Annmarie, not their fifties." And just like that, the flicker was nearly stomped out before I'd even looked at it properly. He doesn't need to yell at me anymore. He's economical.

A [00:03:00] murmur, a smirk, one well-placed, "Isn't it a little late for that?" And I'm folding a genuinely exciting idea back into the drawer before I've even unfolded it all the way. So back to Minette's question. What if you're not too late? What if you're just at a threshold? I wondered as I wrote that question in my journal, in purple ink, if you're wondering, is that just semantics?

Is it just a nice reframe? You know, same gremlin, fancier outfit. Or is there something real in it?

In the story, Alice tumbles down the rabbit hole and lands in a hall of doors. She doesn't know yet which one fits. She's too big for some, too small for others. She just knows she's standing in a hallway full of options, trying to find the one that fits. And I keep coming back to that image because most of us are not out of doors.

We just think we are. [00:04:00] We're standing in the hallway, positive we've already missed the last one. Maybe some of those doors were never going to open for us anyway, and that's fine. But maybe one of the ones still in front of us is the right one, and we've just been too busy listening to that damn gremlin in the corner to go check the doors.

Is it possible that all the years, the choices, the detours, the things we tried and abandoned and circled back to were never a countdown to some closing window, but the exact experience required to know which door is actually ours? Whether we're forty or fifty-five or eighty, are any of us really too old to cross a new threshold?

I mean, my dreams of being a WNBA point guard are safely in the rearview mirror. I'll grant the gremlin that one. But most of what actually calls to me these days, this podcast, my next novel, hosting in-person retreats, [00:05:00] that's not behind me. It's just on the other side of a door I haven't walked through yet.

And that gremlin saying you're too old is probably just me being afraid of opening that door So I wonder what's sitting in your hallway right now. Not the big dramatic reinvention, just the small specific thing. Maybe it's a class you closed the tab on, or the idea you floated once and then quietly tucked away for, quote, 'later,' which we all know is code for never.

What is your gremlin saying about it? What's his favorite line? I'd be willing to bet you could recite it in his voice without even trying. Now, I'm not under any illusion that I'm walking my you're too old gremlin out the door tonight, never to return.

But then again, maybe I don't have to evict him to completely change something. Maybe I can just stop refilling his wine glass, or stop pulling out a chair for [00:06:00] him every time he shows up.

Sure, Alice landed in a room with closed doors, but I think we all have to remember that just because it's closed doesn't mean it's locked.

And I'm guessing most of those closed doors do not come with an upper age limit. So let's open them, and then maybe find a different rabbit hole to throw that nasty gremlin down into. Thanks so much for spending time with me today and thinking about your own doors. I hope you have a great week ahead of you, and if this episode made you laugh or think or recognize your own gremlin lurking somewhere at the party, I'd love if you shared this episode with a friend and subscribed to the show.

It's one small way you can help more women find us here. So until next time, go try a few of those doors. I bet less of them are locked than you think.

I Used to Be Fun is hosted by Annmarie Boyle. New episodes drop weekly.

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